UPDATE: Due to a lack of ability within Therefore Productions to compete with Patrick Brady’s Spiderman Comic Storyline, we are officially declaring Patrick the contest winner and beginning a new contest to fill out the week. Congratulations Patrick! Your entry was as unstoppable as it was un-toppable.
The new contest: see who among the remaining Therefore crewmembers can craft the best Spider-man Video Game storyline. Without further fanfare, my submission:
Existentialist Spider-man: The Video Game for Nintendo Wii
Say hello to Lopez, the Narcotics King. He was the main villain in the arcade (classic?) Crime Patrol 2. It was one in a long line of laser disc-based shooting games that graced arcades in the early 90′s. Mad Dog McCree, recently ported over to the Wii, was one such game. Mostly produced by American Laser Games, these arcade shooters were pretty terrible and made worse by their small budgets. And when low-budget projects have actors, the results are usually hysterical. Thus we find ourselves with Crime Patrol 2, a cheesy, over-the-top production in every way. The above trailer does a pretty good job of showing just how awful the in-game acting is. When we got our hands on it, we just had to remix the trailer in Therefore Productions fashion.
Keep reading to watch our take on Lopez and learn more about the ill-fated work of American Laser Games.
New Wii Game: Mario Something! “Push Mario Beyond His Psychological Limits”
Last week, we received word from the folks over at Nintendo that a percentage of the profits of not one, but two of their new Wii game titles would be invested into Therefore Productions! Yay! Needless to say, we were both stunned and overjoyed! Not only because they chose us (out of thousands of young comedy troupes), but also because the two new titles are the hotly anticipated “Mario Something” and “Yoshi’s Grave”.
Earlier this week, we received free demos of both games along with an official Nintendo investor agreement written in crayon on an IHOP napkin that smelled like chicken broth. We are very eager and honored to be the first to share our impressions of these games with the world. We can’t give away too much, but believe it when we say “You will be disappointed!”
And yes, it will be playable at some point. It brings back memories of so many NES games, particularly Fester’s Quest for some reason. Big Download has an interview with the game’s creator, Eric Ruth, and you can check out his webpage for more games.
The more I see and hear about this game, the more I want to play it. Little Big Planet has been said to have boss battles for quite some time, but this is the first time we’ve been able to see one in action.
The Street Fighter Movie holds a special place in the hearts of Therefore Productions. Why? Because of great dialog like this:
Bison: What’s the matter? You come to fight a madman, and instead find a god? Do you still refuse to accept my godhood? Keep your God! In fact, now may be a good time to pray to Him! For I beheld Satan as he came down from Heaven!
The movie is a whole string of quotable nonsense, and the ridiculous acting is the icing on the cake. The Street Fighter movie came out at the hight of the game’s popularity, a cash-in effort that makes the Mortal Kombat movie look like Citizen Kane. For some reason, the people behind this Van Damme masterpiece thought it would be a good idea to release a game based on the movie. I kid you not, it was called “Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game”. I played SF:TM:TG many years ago. Keep in mind that the movie was already based on a fantastic game, so the movie-game had a lot to live up to- and it failed, miserably. Sluggish controls and bad animations made this one of the worst fighters of all time. The actors in the movie posed for their respective character sprites, so Raul Julia and Van Damme are on screen as M. Bison and Guile along with all the other forgettable people from the film. One of the game’s designers has posted photos from the blue screen shoot for the sprites, and they’re simply hilarious. [via Kotaku] I posted my favorite picture and some more quotes after the jump. If you get a chance, watch this movie.
We apologize for our long absence from the blogosphere, but we’ve been rather busy planning and paving the way for the production of the pilot episode of our upcoming sketch show: “Bourgeois! Bourgeois!”