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Reformed Whores "Punch Me in the Face"
Love hurts, but the Reformed Whores take it all in stride. Will they find romance on a desert plain?
Sparks Hair Design – Urban Legend
A woman meets an intriguing, shadowy stranger at a bar. They head back to his place to keep the fun going, but his intentions may not be so pure.
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Welcome to the beginning of a new series on ThereforeYou: “Amazing Reviews!” In this segment, we take the best reviews we can find online and give them the dramatic, expensive Voiceover treatment they deserve. Due to the esteem in which we hold these important critical works, we have spared no expense to phonetically recreate the precise spelling and punctuation cues left for us by the original authors. Transcript below:  The drink that skips your entire digestive system to give you energy where you REALLY need it to be a success: in your merciless hands.
To introduce you to the world of Therefore Productions, we’ll be running a series of interviews with members of the company. First up is someone very special to us: our mascot, The Therefore Lion. Bill Bodkin: Thanks for taking the time to speak with us. The Therefore Lion: No! Thank you for having me! It’s a real pleasure and an honor. I want to eat you so bad right now. Oh Lion, did you just say that out loud? Yes, I did. No you didn’t! Sorry, you probably think I’m drunk. Do you think I’m drunk? BB: Are you asking me or yourself? TTL: Let’s do this! BB: We’ll start off with a little background. Tell us about your childhood. Where were you born?
 Get ready to experience the power of Ancient Dragon Vocals! There is no possible way to enjoy these poorly mixed, gargantuan techno monstrosities.  It’s hard being Dracula. How would you feel if you were kidnapped by a sadistic professor, a remorseless priest and a militaristic vampire hunter? Frustrated.  So the rapture just happened and you and Stan have been “left behind?” It must be some kind of mistake! It must be… time to DANCE! 
Our power is to look really dramatic in front of a steaming pile of rubble on a stormy day. There’s no particular order to the grouping, except that we’re alphabetical by first name from left to right. Also Ed is holding a sword, which automatically moves you to the front. We really did have a photo shoot not too long ago, but not for the sole purpose of parodying Heroes. Click the image if you want to see the full size version. You can also see the original Heroes wallpaper I based it on after the break, which is a pretty good model for way too dramatic photography and graphic design. |
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